I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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