Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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