Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
