no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Panties = found
Randomize
