you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
