She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
