I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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