i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
