Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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