Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
