I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
