The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
