i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
