Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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