Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
