I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
