Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
