we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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