just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
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