I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
