I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
