Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
