note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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