My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
