Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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