btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
