I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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