I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
