Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Randomize
