Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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