i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize