Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
