i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize