i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
