That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
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Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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