I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
