do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
