I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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