Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
