apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
