you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
