I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
