Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
