look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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