He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize