My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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