I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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