I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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