I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
