OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
