I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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