a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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