Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
