C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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