There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
