The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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