Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
