I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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