I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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