K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
