My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
