im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found puke in my bra..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
