Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
